I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
