i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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