Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
His nipple licking is glorious
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