are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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