Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
