Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
