ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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