Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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