awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
