Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
