Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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