What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
