I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
