No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
