check it out our google latitudes are spooning
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
