Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
