I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize