so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
