yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
there is puke in my bra ... again
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
