I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
sex in a hospital.. check
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
