Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
