i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
