I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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