He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My breasts were aching with rage.
It's shark week go big or go home
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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