sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
