Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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