Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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