Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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