just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
