If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
