she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
