The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
