Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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