Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
