the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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