Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
