I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
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Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
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I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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