No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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