She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
