Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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