Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
