Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
NoShamevember. You game?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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