is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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