3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
