She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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