It's Friday. Sex?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
