I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
