does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
