My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
