I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Too much gin, very little bucket
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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