dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
