Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
