Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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