WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
