I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
