Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
