I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
