what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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