I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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