In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
our cab driver is having phone sex.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
