so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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