i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
