She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
