I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.