3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"