Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
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he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
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When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest