my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
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Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You coming home soon, man?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
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I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now