Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?