A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
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Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
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im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Can I color on your dick again?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day