woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
